SOUTH BRISTOL VOICE Interview with the Wicked Witch of Knowle

The Wicked Witch on her way to the shops in Knowle pictured the other day

In this issue we interviewed the Wicked Witch of Knowle.
Witches by their nature live in a slightly different world from most people – and we have to be careful in our dealings with her – not for legal reasons – but she might cast a spell on us.

So here goes: first I asked what is her real name:
Witch: Madam W Witch (She/Her/Oi)
Editor: Witches live very long lives – or short ones if burnt at the stake. How old are you?
Witch: Hard to say. It was difficult to keep accurate records after the first burning…
Editor: Where is your witch’s den?
Witch: I am lucky enough to have several caverns hidden in Arnos cemetery where I like to escape and practice my mischief making. Sometimes you might hear me cackling to myself.
Editor: How many mini witches and wizards do you have in your family?
Witch: A ridiculous amount. Thankfully most have flown the cauldron. Eldest is saving for a house in the woods with his girlfriend Goldilocks so will probably never leave and the evil youngest is at college making the most of being young and carefree which is annoying.
Editor: Any toads or lizards as pets?
Witch: Scrappy Little Dog is the only pet. We go ratting together after dark in the garden. We are a rubbish team. The rats love us.
Editor: Can you fly using your broomstick or is that an urban myth?
Witch: I always fly by Broom. My current model is a Citybroom DTP (Diesel Turbo Powered) but the Clean Air rules have rendered it defunct. I’ve ordered a new battery powered Wysonbroom which was ridiculously expensive and I didn’t qualify for the replacement grant. There’s a national shortage and won’t be delivered until next year so I’m having to walk which is most upsetting.
Editor: If you do fly – and could teach others to fly – could this solve Bristol’s traffic problems?
Witch: Why would I do that? I have the sky to myself where I laugh at Bristolians struggling to cross town.
Editor: In Macbeth the witches predict the future of the Thane of Glamis – can you look into the future and if so is there anything the residents of South Bristol should know?
Witch: I did read my tea leaves the other day and it showed that I would become the next Mayor of Bristol but it was green tea and you can never really trust the greens.
Editor: What does a fashion conscious witch need in her wardrobe?
Witch: A pair of Dr Martens. Always Black. Always 20-eye. The business.
Editor: If you could put a spell on someone in Bristol – who would it be and what would the spell be?
Witch: I would cast a spell on Marvin Rees. I would make him unblock me on Twitter and then change his mind on getting rid of the Jubilee Swimming Pool. I would make him love it so much he would relocate to this side of the river, buy a house on Newquay Road and go for a swim every morning.
Editor: Any tips for aspiring wannabe witches?
Witch: This is my turf. There can only be one. You have been warned.
Editor: Thank you the Wicked Witch of Knowle.
Any chance of a lift back to Windmill Hill?
Witch: Any more questions and I’ll turn you into a toad.

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Harry Mottram is the news editor of South Bristol Voice monthly magazine and a freelance journalist. Visit http://www.harrymottram.co.uk/

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